This Journey is a Roller Coaster

Over the past 8 weeks or so that I've been back on this journey I had been riding a high. I was feeling great about myself, my choices, my progress and starting to feel better about my body and my appearance. I can only describe what's been going on in my life as to that of being on a roller coaster.

When you first get on a roller coaster you generally start a long slow climb. In the first few weeks I was on this climb. I was making smart, careful decisions and my anticipation was climbing the higher I went.  So, what happens when you get all the way to the top of the climb? You drop. Fast and far. And that's what I've been doing.

While Lauren and her mom were here I allowed myself a great deal of indulgence. We were traveling and I had made an agreement with myself that I wasn't going to not enjoy the trips. One of the greatest things about travel is getting to experience new food and cultures. So I indulged and that's fine. I knew it was going to happen.

What I wasn't prepared for was the difficulty I've had getting back on track since Lauren's departure, just over a week ago. Last week I went to the gym Monday and Tuesday, but made terrible food choices those two days. Ones that weren't in line with my goals. Wednesday was miserable. I could barely walk and I felt like crap. I went for a 5k walk, but couldn't bring myself to get back into the gym Thursday or Friday. Saturday was the first day that my body started to feel normal. I had no pain and could walk without feeling every muscle in my body aching and protesting.

Unfortunately along with my lack of exercise I've indulged in too much chocolate and too many fried, unhealthy foods. Foods that I don't really enjoy and experience guilt from (that's a different issue for a different day), but nonetheless I ate them anyways and then experienced such guilt.  Thankfully all the crap food and delicious chocolate is finally out of the house and I've come to realize that the only way to stop myself from eating it is not to buy it. So that's the goal for the next two weeks. Don't buy crap!

So now I'm on the part of the roller coaster that brings you to the next climb. The ones with the loops and turns that make you dizzy. I'm ready for the next climb and I'm hoping that because I've been through this the next time I fall, I won't fall so hard.

Even though it's been a rough couple weeks I did have a positive experience yesterday. A friend of mine sent me a text that said, "you look great!" I was slightly confused because she lives in New York City and I live on another continent, so when I inquired she informed me that she had seen a picture I was tagged in on Facebook.

said picture

This picture is of Lauren and I sitting in the Museum District in Amsterdam enjoying some delicious Suikerwafels (Sugar Waffles). Mine is covered in chocolate sauce and whipped cream. New rule of indulgences, only one add-on. It was delicious, anyway. You can clearly tell that I've lost weight in this picture. My t-shirt is borderline too big and my face is much smaller than previously. 

This picture was taken of me in December 2012. It was my going away dinner with my co-workers. Only a few of who are pictured here. I miss them dearly. Anyway, in this picture I was about 225lbs (102.3kg) and my current weight in the picture in Amsterdam is 90kg (198lb). That's quite a difference 16 months makes. So, even though it hasn't always been easy and I will continue to struggle through this journey and fight the food monster and chubby girl inside me, I have faith and determination to see it through. 

With all of the comments I've been getting about how good I looked I was prompted to take a progress picture. Something I used to do regularly but stopped doing. It's rather embarrassing to post, but this is my journey and my body is my own and not for others to judge. I have a large amount of stretch marks covering my entire abdomen because I gained so much weight so quickly, and I've learned to accept that they will always be there and eventually will be a sign of everything I've gone through. 

I posted these photos on my Instagram this morning. I had said the the original picture was taken in February, but that can't be right because our floor has been changed since about November. Either way you can see a lot of progress in this picture and this is going to continue to be my motivation as I ride this roller coaster.