Indulgece

Hi there! I know it's been awhile since I last blogged. Things have been incredibly busy over here.  Last weekend we finished renovating our bathroom (we=Rogier).  Everything was finally finished cleaning on Wednesday! And I'm still finding things covered in dust, but our bathroom looks amazing!

So last Saturday we went out to eat and that was planned, but going out to eat on Monday and Tuesday because we couldn't use our kitchen because of the renovations was not planned. I was very upset because my weight ballooned, but it returned to normal and my weigh in on Friday was 90.7kg (190.5lbs). UNDER 200! I was so excited. That is a huge accomplishment for me since I haven't been this light since my freshman year of college. I got close in my junior year but never broke the plateau. My weight has since ballooned again, but we'll get to that later.

One of my good friends is here to see me and she brought her mom! We spent Saturday and Sunday traveling, which obviously means lots of eating.

Saturday we spent the day in Maastricht, a Dutch city about 20 minutes from where we live. It was a beautiful day, about 70 degrees and hardly a cloud in the sky.  Naturally there was lots of eating involved.

I did forget to take a photo of the french fries we had in Maastricht. They were my once a day indulgence I've given myself on our travel days. They are called "war fries" because they come covered in mayonnaise and sate sauce. They're delicious. We got a big one and shared it between four of us.

This was my lunch. A chorizo panini with cheese, red onion, garlic and a spicy dipping sauce. It also came with a little salad. In the background of the picture you can see my beer. It was a sweet, fruity beer and it was delicious.

I can't remember the name of this delicious treat, but Rogier got it for himself and I had a very small bite. It's a soft bun filled with cream and topped with powdered sugar. 

For dinner we wanted to do something fun so we had gourmetten. It's typically Dutch and Belgium food style. It's so much fun! Everyone has they're own little frying pan and you put in whatever meats and veggies you want from what is available. We had chicken, bacon, pork chops, sausage and little meatballs. The veggies I sliced up were mushrooms, onions, peppers, and leek.  We also had bread salads to go with it, spicy chicken salad, egg salad, tuna, and chicken sate salad. All in all I don't think I overate at dinner, but I was definitely a little more than satisfied. 

Saturday we walked around 13,000 steps! That's quite a lot of walking. 

Sunday we went to Cologne, Germany. The city was absolutely beautiful and they had an amazing Cathedral. I had a pretty normal breakfast: a boiled egg, two slices of bread with ham and a banana. We went to the chocolate museum in Cologne. I'll never look at chocolate the same way again. We got to eat freshly made melted chocolate dipped in a sugar wafer. 

Lauren's Mom was kind enough to let me photograph hers since I ate mine before I even thought about it. I didn't buy any chocolate, mostly because it was over priced. It was really cool to see the whole process from start to finish. We got to see the beans being roasted and it going all the way to the end where the cooled chocolate is wrapped and packaged. There was also a little information session that once again proved my theory that dark chocolate will help me lose weight! I'll count that as a win. 

After the chocolate museum it was time for lunch. We went to this little cafe next to the Rhein River in Cologne. Everything on the  menu looked so good but I eventually decided on the potato soup, Rhenian style. I had no idea what that meant, but it meant it was local style which made me feel better. I always like to try things that are local to wherever I'm traveling. 

The soup was so good! It had a little bit of spice to it that I couldn't place, but I cleaned this bowl. I also indulged in some of Lauren and her Mom's lunches. Lauren ordered Black Pudding and it came with onions and mashed potatoes and the best homemade applesauce I've ever had. Her mom ordered goulash with noodles and that was also delicious. The beef was so tender and the sauce perfectly spicy. 

After lunch we wandered through the city in and out of some shops. Eventually we stumbled onto a gelato place, but instead of getting gelato we ordered two pieces of cake. One chocolate and one apple. 

Between the three of us we cleared the plates. We all could have stopped eating a little earlier but it felt sinful to leave something geo delicious uneaten. The apple pie has a crust on it that had some sort of sugar glaze. It was delicious and very refreshing. Surprisingly the two cakes paired together really well. 

We wandered around the city again after our snack. We went to the Lover's Lock Bride. It was amazing. One side of the bridge is completely covered in locks that have people names written on them with the person they love. 

Eventually it was time for dinner. I had my heart set on a schnitzel. I love a good schnitzel, but unfortunately the place we went to didn't have a schnitzel that came with any kind of sauce. You had to dip it in ketchup or curry or mayonnaise and that just didn't seem as appealing. Especially because it came with some warm, cucumber potato salad. So I went with something different. I went with some sort of pizza. It was very thin, almost as thin as a tortilla and had a little bit of a french style. It came with creme freche (the opposite sour cream, fresh cream) and I ordered it with chorizo (are you noticing a pattern?) peppers and cheese. 

Lauren's Mom ordered the Pizza you can see in the background. Her's had feta cheese, olives and pepperchini peppers.  Lauren ordered a salad with shrimp, and a pineapple chutney. It looked delicious but I couldn't try it because of the pineapple.  

After dinner we relaxed a little by the water and then caught the train home. All in all we were gone for about 14 hours and walked almost 20,000 steps and some 30 flights of stairs. I had serious plans to go to the gym today, but those were squashed. I'm exhausted and need a break.  

Tomorrow were going to Amsterdam for two nights. That means more eating out but also lots more walking. I'm trying not to stress too badly about my weight. I refuse to not live and enjoy the food in the places I'm traveling. I'll get back on track once my guests leave. My weight was 91.5 this morning. I'm assuming, like after last week when we went out to eat 3 nights in a row that it's mostly water weight due to so much salt. 

Tomorrow morning I'll weigh myself and then won't weigh again until May 1. I'm not going to worry about my weight too much, but because I was so close to reaching my 90kg goal for March I will be setting an 87kg goal for the end of April/beginning of May. If I don't reach it I don't reach it, but I refuse not to try. 

Today we have no plans, but to relax so it'll be a normal eating day. 

Oh! Also, I reached my 3 sets of 10 pushups goal on Wednesday! woohoo! 

Small Victories

Things didn't pan out yesterday and I wasn't able to make it to the gym, BUT I did make it in the gym for an hour today. Something I don't really regret, but I am upset that during the hour and a half I spent at the gym it was beautiful weather and now it's raining. Not fun, but I feel better for having gone. I had to go to the gym today anyway to shower because our bathroom is still being remodeled. I figured if I need to use the gym showers I may as well make it worth while. And I did.

I had a small victory today while I was shopping with my future mother-in-law. I bought a dress that's a size 10. That's right a 10! It's still considered an XL in Europe butttt, that's seriously a small victory considering a few months ago I couldn't fit into a size 14 dress.

I'm also very close to a HUGE weight milestone. I'm not going to tell you what it is until I reach it, which I'm hoping will be tomorrow, but considering my (almost) in-laws are taking us to dinner tonight I don't see that happening. It's okay though. I'm still trending downward on the scale and that's the biggest thing that matters. Well not really. What matters most is my health, which bring me to my next topic.

I've decided that in April I'm going to only weigh myself one time. That's right one time in the entire month. Currently I weigh myself every day. My relationship with the scale is not a healthy one. I'm not saying that weighing everyday is unhealthy for everyone. It's not. It works for some people, but it's causing me serious stress. I'm still attributing my overall worth as a person to a number on a scale and that's a cycle I need and want

to break. My relationship with food is also still unhealthy, but that's improving more than my relationship with the scale. Rogier is going to have to hide the scale from me, but I'm really hoping to make some significant process in the mental part of this weight loss game during April.

I was also supposed to be taking pictures of everything I ate. I just can't remember to do it! Every time I finish eating something I think "crap, I didn't take a picture." So I've pretty much given up on that challenge, but I'm feeling better and stronger about this journey than I was a few days ago. I'm not as far off track as I was, but I could still improve. One thing I've learned though is that's okay. There will always be room for improvement in my diet and lifestyle. When there's not, that means I'm in denial.

I will leave you with a picture of my delicious dinner yesterday:

Homemade brown bean burritos in a homemade shell. I only had one burrito shel but covered it with enough bean mixture to fill a second burrito. I topped it with lettuce, tomato and avocado. As usual, it was delicious.

Happy Saturday :) Hope the weather is nicer where you are than where I am.

Picture Challenge

It's an absolutely beautiful day here and I was very excited for the walk I had planned with a friend. We ended up walking for just under an hour and hitting 5.6km. It was beautiful and warm and I definitely worked up a bit of a sweat. I felt great when we were done and am happy that I've done something active even if it's technically an off day. Just because it's a rest day doesn't give me license to sit on my butt and do nothing all day, even if all I wanted to do was sit in the garden and read.

This was our walking path. It goes through the small wooded area that's behind my house. There's trails and a walking path. We stayed mostly on the walking path because I don't trust myself on the trails enough yet not to get lost.


The good news is that on the exercise front, even though I'm not feeling the running, I'm still active almost every day and am feeling good about my strength and cardio training. My eating habits have been okay, nothing spectacular but no major slip ups. With that being said, I feel myself beginning to slowly come apart and see my eating habits moving away from the direction I want them to go. Thankfully I follow a bunch of "fitspo" on Instagram. I do believe that a lot of them are actually "thinspo" and promote some unhealthy things, but that's for a different time. This particular Instagramer posted a 10 easy steps to get back on track thing and I decided to try one. The one I'm trying is to photograph everything I eat, and I mean everything. My goal is to do this for one week even with plans this Saturday to go out to eat with Rogier's parents.  I will be posting pictures of everything I eat on Instagram.

I started this morning:

Breakfast: Two eggs, two clementines and a cup of coffee with stevia and splash of non-fat milk 

Lunch: chicken breast sandwich on whole grain bread with lettuce, tomato and yellow mustard. Pear and green tea 

Afternoon Snack: Appel Slices, cracker with reduced fat cheese

Hopefully this makes me accountable and will prevent me from making choices I would potentially end up regretting. Tomorrow is supposed to be a gym day, but I'm not sure yet how it's going to workout. I have a driving lesson at 9:30 ad because the gym doesn't open until 8 that's not enough time to get there, workout and shower before. My in-laws are also coming to town so we'll see. I'm hoping to get some sort of activity in even if it's not the gym.

The Short List

Yesterday was an extremely busy day. More so than usual for someone as unemployed as myself, but in my spare time I tried to come up with a list of reasons that I wanted to be a runner. The list got longer and longer and the more I looked at it the more I realized that a lot of these goals are not centered around becoming a better runner but about becoming a healthier person overall. Goals that I can reach with or without running. So the short list. The shortest list I've probably ever written. Two reasons. That's right, just two reasons I want to run that don't directly relate to overall health and that can't be accomplished by some other form of cardio.

First, I want to do the the color run. It just looks so fun! The claim it's "the happiest 5k on the planet." And I can't say that by looking at the pictures I disagree. All I know is that I want to do it. Once in my life.

Second, to prove to myself that I can. The last time I ran a mile was my senior year of high school in 2006. For pre-season volleyball training I had to run a mile in under 8 minutes. I did it. I hated every single minute of it, but I did it. The last time I ran more than a mile was in 2002. Dear God I feel old.  I had to run 1 1/2 miles in under 12 minutes to qualify to try out for junior varsity volleyball as an eighth grader. I did it. I can't remember my exact time but it was somewhere in the eleven minute range. Even when I was 12 years old I hated running.

Other reasons I wrote down about wanting to run were to be in better shape, to feel better about my body, to lose weight, to become more athletic. The thing is though, that every one of those reasons can be achieved through a different form of cardio, not just running.

So with all that my plan is going to continue to try and run, but go a little easier on myself and know that if I don't run, as long as I do another form of cardio that I'll still reach my goals. I'm also wondering if running on the treadmill has anything to do with my troubles. When Rogier and I walk outside we usually keep a 6km/h (3.8mph) pace, but on the treadmill I struggle to maintain 5km/h (3.1mph). I'm going to try sometime in the next week or so to run outside and see how that feels.

I did my usual Wednesday spin today and am enjoying the fact that when I finish I don't feel like I got run over by a train when I'm finished. My weight continues to frustrate me, but I'm doing all the right things: working out, restricting calories and eating healthy.

I just need to keep reminding myself that even if I'm not seeing the results I want everything I'm doing is improving my health. And that's the big goal. Get healthy.

Frustration Station

In my previous attempts to lose weight I've never lasted this long, or had this much progress and that seems to be causing me some problems. I've read plenty in other blogs and in the vastness of the internet about the roller coaster that is weight loss and attempting to lead a healthier lifestyle. These ups and downs are more than I ever imagined.

Saturday was the 15th, half way through the month and my weight was 91.5kg. Perfect and right on track to losing 3kg this month. This morning my weight was 91.8kg.  In two days I gaind 0.3kg. There could be plenty of explanations, too much salt, too little water and the list goes one, but it's still discouraging. I'll be the first to admit I didn't eat extremely healthy over the past three days, but I also didn't overeat or go completely off the grid.

Friday dinner: homemade veggie pizza. I could have improved by having a smaller serving of pizza and a salad.

Saturday dinner: homemade burger with sautéed mushrooms and onions, lettuce, tomato on a whole wheat bun with no cheese. I also had homemade potato wedges and green beans.

Sunday dinner: homemade pasta carbonara with broccoli. I purposely ate a very small portion of whole wheat pasta and had a large salad.  I made homemade croutons that I probably could have gone without.

My calorie range was in the 1800-2000 range all three days. That's not exactly in the weight loss range, but it's certainly not enough to make me gain either.

To top off my frustrations running didn't go easy at the gym today and I just couldn't do it. I made it through four minutes of running and then after that I just couldn't keep going. I turned down my speed, increased my incline and walked for 15 minutes. It was hard. I think it's time I evaluate why I actually want to become a runner. I'm sitting here trying to think of the reasons but I can't. I can think of all the reasons I want to lead a healthier life and lose weight, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I have to become a runner? Does it? Who knows. I'll evaluate my reasons today and go from there.

Blah. That's how I feel about today. Blah.

Also, on a different note, has anyone every been cold all the time while losing weight? No matter what I wear or how warm it is outside my feet and hands seem to be cold all the time. I'm a nurse so of course the first thing I did was check my pulses and capillary refill and they're both fine. I just can't figure it out. I always thought I was naturally a warm person, but maybe I was just hot all the time because of my excess weight? One thing I'm positive of is that being cold all the time is super annoying.

Meatless Fridays

I'm back to being in a fabulous mood. I had an amazing workout this morning and made it through my 4 minutes running 1 minute walking the full 4 times. The last four minutes were definitely challenging, but to prove to myself that the challenge was more mental than physical I pushed my speed up during the last minute of running. I went from 8km/h (5mp/h) to 8.2. Not a significant increase but enough to hopefully increase my mental strength about running.

My weight this morning was 91.7kg. That puts me pretty on track to lose 3kg this month.  I was hoping to be a little less, but I'm still happy with my progress.  I usually weigh myself weekly, but only take my body measurements monthly, but I think I'm going to start doing them bi-monthly. A few nights ago I measured my waist just to see and it was 97cm already 2cm smaller than when I measured on the first of March.  That gives me a lot of incentive to measure more frequently, so I'm going to.

Other exciting news, I bought new biking pants yesterday. My current shorts or just a little too big. I decided to buy a size M but knew that I wouldn't be able to wear them just yet. To my surprise they actually almost fit! They're just a tiny bit too snug but in a two or three weeks I should be able to wear them comfortably.

My calorie counts have continued to be within my goal range. Last week I decided to do meatless Fridays for Lent, getting back in touch with my Catholic roots.  Hopefully this will aide in my weight loss efforts too. A lot of what I've been reading recently says to go meatless more days a week if you want to lose more weight.  This is only the second week, but it seems to be going well and may be something I continue after Lent.

I'm looking forward to a homemade vegetarian pizza tonight, loaded with lots of veggies.

The weekend is almost here folks!

The Swedish Meatball Failure

Yesterday I said that I was going to try and make a lightened up version of Swedish Meatballs. I did try, and they were pretty much an epic failure.  I browsed the internet for several lightened up recipes and combined them in what I thought was the best way to make the tastiest version.  I cut extra calories by not adding bread crumbs, eggs, or milk to the meatball mixture.  Personally I don't think they're necessary. They do bulk up the meatballs, but I don't think those ingredients add to the flavor. Spices can do that just fine, with next to zero calories.

One of the things I decided to do was make a roux with the grease from the cooked meatballs and some flour; this was in place of beef bouillon. I ended up not having any grease from the meatballs because I used 95% lean ground beef.  So I made a roux with one tablespoon butter and one tablespoon flour.  Flour? Yes, flour. I know that didn't save me calories, but like I said, I saved calories by cutting out unnecessary meatball additives.  I then used skim milk and reduced fat cooking cream to make the gravy.  I added in some spices, but not enough I don't think because the gravy didn't have a lot of flavor. If I'm going to post recipes I should probably start measuring what I put in? In the event that something turns out good enough to share that is.

Anywayyy, I made the gravy then put the meatballs in the sauce to rewarm them.  I served the meatballs with potatoes and cauliflower, both of which I thought would go well with the gravy. And they did, the gravy just wasn't good enough for the potatoes and cauliflower.

This is the finished product.  It wasn't inedible it just wasn't particularly good.  

Does anyone have a website they use for lightened up recipes? I'm living in a potato country so the typical dish here is meat, potatoes and veggies with a sauce. It's easy, healthy for the most part, but also pretty boring. It's also Rogier's favorite type of meal, but I need more variety. I'm also feeding a relatively picky eater so a lot of recipes I find I would enjoy, but not my counter part probably wouldn't like. 

I'll take any suggestions I can get :) 

Those Are Leggings?

Sweater dress, leggings and boots. That's my go-to outfit in the fall and winter.  I love it. It's comfortable, warm and most of the time a cute outfit.  I recently went out shopping with a friend and wore this typical outfit (the sweater dress didn't fit just a few months ago). We do not have a full length mirror in our house. I want one desperately, but even if we did buy one, we have no place to put it. That being the case I usually rely on Rogier to tell me if I look ridiculous or just go with outfits I always wear and know look good.

I had a great afternoon out and about shopping and when I got home I caught a glimpse of myself in one of our cabinets that has glass windows and can be used as a full length mirror in a pinch (or always as is the case in this house). I couldn't believe it. I looked ridiculous. The leggings were so baggy. I lifted up my dress to look at my butt and it looked like I was wearing a full diaper.

Rogier came home shortly after and the very first thing I said to him was, "look at me! I actually went out like this today. Look at these leggings." He replied, "those are leggings?"  After some more talk about how ridiculous I looked Rogier looked at me and said, "What's exactly the problem that your clothes are getting too big?" Fair point. And then I went from being embarrassed to have looked ridiculous all day to being ecstatic that some of my clothes are too big!

In this revelation I tried on some clothes that I've been holding on to in hopes of fitting into. In December I bought two pairs of jeans that were a little bit to small, but the size bigger was too too big. They fit uncomfortably and made me have a very large muffin top, but that was easily hidden with a large jacket or sweater.  Both of these pants now fit! I also tried on shorts that I bought back in 2010 for a trip to Cancun. I wore them once in Cancun and then never again because I quickly gained back all the weight I lost for the trip. I'm now 5 pounds lighter than I was on that trip and the shorts fit! Snugly, but comfortably.

sugar waffels! delicious

Too add to all this good news and excitement I found out this morning that one of my bridesmaids and dearest friends is coming to see me! Hopefully everything falls into place and she'll be here at the end of the month. She's a runner, so I plan on having her help me transition to outside running. She'll have to run off all the suikerwafels (sugar waffles) she'll be eating non stop.

Today was a good gym day. Another Wednesday spin. Routine is definitely helping push me through on the harder days. I hate it sometimes, but I always feel amazing once I'm done. I'm planning on making a lightened up version of Swedish Meatballs for dinner. Wish me luck. I haven't tried this one before.

I also had a delicious post workout snack of greek yogurt with all natural granola. Pretty much my favorite snack ever, but granola can be a real calorie bomb so I definitely watch my portions and only allow myself to eat it after I've had a good workout.

I'm looking forward to rest day tomorrow and then getting back on the treadmill Friday. 

It's Hump Day! So your week is half over :) 

Keep Moving Forward

Today was something of a struggle at the gym. I tried to do my 4X1 running/walking intervals again, but was only able to get through 2 1/2 intervals before I had to stop. I ended up being on the treadmill for only 15 minutes and running was only 11 of them. I did finish my cardio with 10 minutes on the stationary bike and 10 minutes on the stair climber for 35 minutes of cardio.

Even struggling with running I'm still hitting my goals for each day. I also know that some days running will be harder than others, even after I'm able to run for more than a few minutes at a time.  Everything I do is helping me reach my goals, even if I stumble along the way. Tomorrow I plan on doing a spin class and then attempting to run again on Friday.  Keep moving forward. That's what I have to do.  I will not allow one hard day, one day off track stop me.

Eating wise things have been pretty on track. I may or may not have finished a bag of Easter colored peanut m&m's yesterday, but I still came in under my calorie count (1,545, Net 1,175). I don't want to be putting crap into my body, but I love the Easter colored m&m's. They're so pretty! The only real reason I bought them was because of their color. Long story short, I can still not be trusted around chocolate. Lesson learned, time to move on.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my nutritionist and she was pretty astonished by how much weight I had lost and how different I looked since our first appointment 6 weeks ago. I love getting compliments and having people notice my efforts. I'm doing this for myself, not for anyone else, but it's still nice to have people take notice.

I also think that blogging is keeping me on track. I was talking to friend yesterday about how I always thought twice about what I was eating because I knew that I'd end up regretting it twice: once after I was finished with whatever I shouldn't have been eating and a second time when I spilled it here.  She reminded me that there was a third time for regret, when I get on the scale. Touché.

Keep moving forward is my motto of the day. Keep moving forward because moving forward means moving closer to my goals.

Monday Blues? Nope, Not Today

I'm in a great mood. It could be because of this gorgeous Spring like weather we're having. It could be because I had an amazing workout this morning. It could be because yesterday I walked 12 kilometers, gave myself a pedicure, read an entire book and got to sit in the garden and get a little tan on my face. Whatever the reason I hope it sticks around.

Yesterday Rogier and I walked 12 kilometers. The weather was beautiful and it got up to 22 degrees celsius (71 F). It was a beautiful day. It's supposed to be a littler on the cooler side today, but still gorgeous for this time of year. Around kilometer 6 I was pretty unhappy with Rogier. I thought it was going to be a short walk, maybe 5K, but he had other plans. By the time we got home we were both dragging, but it felt so good when we finished.  I rode a high for the rest of the day. Plus after we walked up this gigantic hill we had a view of the entire city, and some of the neighboring cities. It was beautiful. I've also decided that I'm going to ask for a Garmin for my birthday so that I can track elevation when we walk, and eventually (hopefully) I start running outside. The picture to the right is our walk (I rounded up to 12K even).  The picture below is the view from the top of the hill we climbed.  It was gorgeous.

After we got home it was just about time for lunch and we were both pretty hungry. I decided to make bacon and eggs. I know bacon is pretty unhealthy, but I don't eat it a lot and I wanted something hearty and filling after burning all that energy.  

Two eggs with bacon on a multi grain baguette. It was delicious and absolutely what I needed after the morning work out.  

I also mentioned that I read an entire book yesterday. That's right, an entire book.  I've had a bit of book hangover since I finished the Divergent Series. I was so mad at the ending that I couldn't bring myself to start another book. I finally decided to start The Promise of Stardust by Priscille Sibley.  It was amazing. I could not put it down. If you're a book lover you have to read it, you won't be disappointed.  

I was a little worried about how working out was going to go today. My legs felt really heavy and a tad sore from yesterday, but I wanted to continue to advance my running time and decrease my walking time.  I started with walking for two minutes, then I ran for four, followed by a one minute walk, then another 4 minutes of running.. etc. I did the 4X1 intervals four times and it felt amazing.  It was a little hard during the last set of running, but I made it and I was so happy and so proud of myself.  It felt great. I rounded off my cardio with ten minutes on the stationary bike and five minutes on the stair climber for a total of 37 minutes of cardio. I wanted to go a full ten on the stair climber, and could have, but on Mondays at my gym there's a high school gym class that comes in and if you don't take the equipment you need as soon as they get there, they'll take it and not really use it, but still roll your eyes at you when you ask if you can use it. I was not that annoying as a teenager, at least that's what I'll tell myself forever. 

I reached another fitness goal today 2 sets of 10 pushups! Woohoo! Strength training and cardio are getting easier and easier. I can feel myself getting stronger and healthier. The one thing that isn't getting easier is my planks. For some reason I can't seem to break more than a minute and a few seconds.  Maybe it's a mental thing? Who knows.  All I know is that I'm going to keep trying.   

Hope you're not suffering from the Monday blues.  

Oh before I forget.. Calorie counts: 

Saturday: 1,350

Sunday: 1,475 

Still on track :) 

Losing Weight is Frustrating

This is how I felt on the scale this morning. 

"Losing weight is frustrating." That's the text I sent one of my friends this morning. I was frustrated after my weigh in because I weighed more this morning than I did yesterday. Not surprising considering I didn't work out yesterday and had ice cream. I still do not regret that decision, but I am going to start keeping better track of the indulgences I allow myself.

I have had 3 desserts in less than two weeks. That's pretty unheard of for me, at least in the past few months.  I do not regret the apple crumble I had at the dinner party Rogier and I went to, and I don't regret the ice cream from yesterday, but the ice cream cake I had last Saturday, when we had company, that I have a little regret about.  It didn't add to my experience with friends and in terms of dessert wasn't one of the best ones I've ever had.

So new plan: Indulgences (other than my nightly chocolate) will be kept to a once every two week maximum.  I plan on keeping myself accountable by marking my planner when I indulge. So I cannot indulge again until March 20, two weeks from yesterday.   When I had evaluated the past two weeks I couldn't believe how much indulgence I had allowed. This is a slip up and I'm determined to not let it happen again. I'm too committed to achieving my goals to slide completely off track.

Today was a good day at the gym and I'm looking forward to trying to increase the length of my run on Monday.

I've been trying remember to take my phone to the gym so I can post some pictures of myself working out, but I just can't take a good selfie...can't really believe I just said that. Anyway, I Just can't get it to work.

Hopefully after the weekend my frustrations will pass. Until then I'm just going to keep pushing.

Happy Weekend :)

Mrs. Always Right

Today was a rest day from the gym and I had big plans to sleep in, but unfortunately that didn't happen and I was up at 7:45. Sad. On my rest days I usually try to eat less carbs because I know that's one thing that people with PCOS can do to assist in their weight loss.  I'm not super creative in the kitchen. I can follow a recipe and adapt it a little to make it my own, but pretty much the only low carb breakfast I can make is eggs.  I do different things with the eggs. Sometimes with bacon, sometimes with ham, but today was with multi colored peppers.  It was delicious, full of protein and healthy.

I had plans to go shopping with a friend today and she was treating me to lunch so I planned ahead to order a salad.  I was hoping for something with grilled chicken, but unfortunately they only had tuna and salmon salads and those didn't sound appealing, so I went with the salad with bacon. Still one of the healthier options on the menu. It was delicious and hit the spot. I really enjoy salads and for some reason I just can't seem to make them at home the way they're made in a restaurant. The dressing was very light, not creamy and the salad didn't come drenched like some salads you get at a restaurant. It came with a baguette and herbal butter.  Herbal butter is one of my favorite things ever. It's ridiculously unhealthy, but delicious.  I only ate half the serving of bread, also a win.

My friend ordered the biggest burger I've ever seen. 

Seriously, it was like the size of a pancake! She said it was good. 

When we first walked into the mall I saw an ice cream place advertising as homemade ice cream.  I'm a big ice cream person but home made ice cream is a downfall. It was the very first thing I saw when I walked in and I immediately had a craving. I made a deal with myself that if the craving hadn't passed by the time we were leaving then I could get one.  Well the craving didn't pass so I got an ice cream on the way out.  I felt good about my decision and didn't have any regret when it was finished. That happens sometimes if I don't plan on eating something and then do. The scoops are also a lot smaller here than in the states so it's not as much.  

I made one big purchase today.  

We may not technically be married yet, but it makes me laugh and I couldn't resist.  

Counting calories the last two days has been going well. Yesterday's count was 1,530 (1,095 net). Today's count is 1,340 (1,340 net).  

Tomorrow is a gym day and I'm hoping my treadmill walk/run sequence goes better so I can move to 4 minutes of running and 1 minute of walking on Monday. 

I'm happy it's almost the weekend! Hope you are too.  

Also I've decided to give up chips and loempia for Lent.  I don't eat chips nearly as often as I used to, but if you put a bag of Salt 'n Vinegar or Ketchup Chips in front of me, there's a good chance they won't last long. I also tend to sample from Rogier's chips if he's eating them, or if we go to friend's and there is some available I'll have some, but not during Lent.  Loempias I eat too much and they're delicious and fried so for Lent, I will not be having any.  

Counting, Counting, Counting

I've been evaluating my eating and exercise habits over the past week to figure out what has changed and why my weight loss efforts have stalled. I've noticed two significant changes:

1) I have not been using MyFitness Pal to track my calories.
2) Last week Rogier and I didn't walk at all after dinner.

My next goal is to fix those two things. The walking after dinner has been better. Rogier and I have walked both Monday and Tuesday evenings and I'll be dragging him out for another one tonight, even if it is freezing. Things like this happen, and life changes plans.  We were incredibly busy last week, visiting friends, going to Germany to go grocery shopping and other things in the evening that didn't allow us time to walk. My goal is to walk three evenings a week and we probably could have squeezed them in last week. I need to re-prioritize. Once it starts staying lighter longer I will feel comfortable walking by myself on those nights that Rogier is too busy because he's doing one thing or another around the house, but for now when it's still dark I'm not comfortable walking alone, even if I do live in a very safe neighborhood in a very safe country.

The second thing I need to fix is tracking my calories. I know a lot of people are against tracking because they become obsessed with how much they're eating. It worked for me for the first few weeks and then I got comfortable and have been "guestimating" with my portions and calories and think that might be steering me wrong. So my goal for the rest of March is to track my calories, every single day, no excuses. To keep myself accountable I will be posting my calorie intake here.  My goal is still 1200 net calories. So the more I workout and burn, the more I get to eat.  You won't hear me complain about that.

Things at the gym went better today. My spin class was challenging but not like my treadmill workout yesterday. I also had to increase my weight on my arm exercises because after Monday's workout I didn't have any muscle soreness at all.  My legs aren't sore from leg day yesterday either so I need to increase my squat weight and my reps with lunges.  Even if I'm losing weight I am getting stronger which I'm happy about.

I also need to start bringing my cell phone to the gym so I can take pictures.

Bumps in the Road

Over the last few weeks I've been riding some sort of exercise, healthy eating high and yesterday that high hit a bump.  I had a really good workout and was feeling great when I got home from the gym, but my eating habits throughout the day were not on track with my goals.

I think I let myself get dehydrated. I'm usually super conscious about how much water I drink because I know it's good for me, but yesterday around 3pm I realized that I had hardly drank any water since I had gotten home from the gym.  As a result I was feeling extremely hungry and ended up eating 3 separate snacks while making dinner.

My weight has also been holding steady since last Friday and with not seeing results I'm beginning to lose my motivation.  I keep trying to tell myself that one or two bad days isn't going to derail all the effort I've put in the last two months but not seeing results has seriously messed with my motivation and mental state.  Then today while I was on the treadmill I was seriously struggling.  I've been doing a 2 minute walking 3 minute running sequence for about a week and a half and it's been going pretty well but today when I finished my twenty minutes I felt like I had been hit by a train.  It took everything I had to stay on the treadmill and it was hard. I had to talk myself through the entire workout, saying "just three more minutes, just one more minute and you can walk."

I desperately wanted to stop my workout after the treadmill but managed to push myself through 10 minutes on the bike and 5 minutes on the stair treadmill (does that machine have an actual name, if so, what is it?), rounding my total cardio time to 35 minutes. My goal is 30-45 every gym day so that made me feel better.  I also made it through my entire leg workout, but after the gym I didn't feel that post workout high I've been feeling.

I really hope that my spin class goes better tomorrow and my motivation comes crawling back.  I'm just going to keep trying to get back on track until everything falls back into place, and remind myself of all the reasons I'm on this journey: my physical, mental and emotional health, my outer appearance and my wedding dress.  Thankfully I have lots of people rooting for me and helping me keep on track.

How do you get your motivation back when you lose it?

Those Four Little Words

"Are you losing weight?" Those four little words are music to my ears.  We had friends over for dinner on Saturday night and my friend Alexandra said to me "Je ziet er goed uit. Ben je afvallen?" Which means, "You look good. Are you losing weight?"  Having friends and family members notice my effort gives me more motivation to keep going.

For dinner Saturday night I didn't exactly stay on track with my healthy eating habits, but I knew on Saturday that I would be eating a less than healthy dinner and planned accordingly.  For Christmas Rogier's boss got us a pizarette.  It's a personal pizza stone, and it's a lot of fun to do, but it takes about an hour and a half to make two mini pizzas so we don't do it very often.

This is what the pizarette looks like.  I had planned to make my own whole wheat pizza crust but when I went to make it Saturday afternoon I realized I was out of yeast.  Whoops! I had a driving lesson (Yes I'm 24, have had my license for 8 years and still need driving lessons to get my license in The Netherlands), anyway, that made me run out of time so I sent Rogier to the store to buy two pizza crusts.  Not as healthy as my homemade version, but these things happen.  We had pepperoni, ham, onion and bell peppers for toppings.  

This is one of my finished products, and it was delicious.  Along with two mini pizzas I had one too many serving of German Noodle Salad, chicken wings, garlic bread and two big helpings of salad.  I also had ice-cream cake for dessert.  It didn't divide evenly into four pieces so I took the smaller piece. 

Sunday things were a little different than usual.  We're busy remodeling our bathroom, and by we I mean Rogier's doing all the work while I supervise.  That meant that we didn't get out for our usual Sunday walk.  Sunday eating was more on track.  I made a whole chicken and we ate it with boiled potatoes and broccoli.  

This is the finished product.  I love making whole chickens. They're super easy to make and the left overs can be used in burritos, soups, chicken salad, the list is pretty much endless.  I'm also going to make my own chicken stock today.  

I'm still on the right track and still have a lot of motivation.  I had the gym mostly to myself this morning since it's carnival weekend and most everyone is still in bed with a hangover. Those four little words will keep me going through this week, at least.  

Happy Monday :)